The Cyber Onion

The Cyber Onion

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  • Fortinet Flaw Creates Admin Accounts, Hackers Demand Employee of the Month

    November 14, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a heartwarming twist of irony, a newly discovered flaw in Fortinet’s FortiWeb has been delighting hackers by granting admin accounts as if handing out participation trophies at a high school track meet. Fortinet, ever the generous software giant, was shocked to find that…

  • Ransomware Gangs Discover There’s No ‘I’ in ‘Team’, But Definitely in ‘Bitcoin’

    November 14, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a shocking development that might just undermine the central dogma of villainy, 85 ransomware and extortion groups are now competing for the coveted title of ‘Most Comically Disorganized Cybercrime Syndicate.’ The ransomware ecosystem has officially reached its highest level of fragmentation, surpassing even…

  • World’s Safest Wallet: Now with a 100% Seed Phrase Sharing Guarantee!

    November 13, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In the most audacious move since the invention of the banana peeler for peeling bananas, a new Chrome extension, ‘Safery: Ethereum Wallet’, has achieved the impossible: stealing Ethereum wallet seed phrases while promising unparalleled security. This avant-garde approach to digital theft is being hailed…

  • Global Law Enforcement Cracks Down on Cyber Criminals; Hackers Still Confused by Printer Jams

    November 13, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In an unprecedented effort that has surprised absolutely everyone except cybercriminals themselves, a gargantuan taskforce of law enforcement agencies has dismantled the operations of Rhadamanthys, Venom RAT, and the Elysium botnet. This thrilling crackdown, akin to finally getting your grandmother to uninstall that suspicious…

  • Hackers Innovate Faster Than Patch Tuesday: Welcome to the Machine-Speed Security Circus!

    November 13, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. As we brace for 2026, the year humorously predicted by experts to be the ultimate showdown in the never-ending cyber carnival, hackers seem to be training harder than Olympic athletes. Fueled by caffeine and a playlist of motivational TED talks, they’ve managed to shrink…

  • Chaos Erupts as npm Registry Achieves New Low: Spam Packages Reach Record High

    November 13, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a historic milestone for mediocrity, the npm registry celebrated an unprecedented influx of fake packages, redefining the art of digital clutter. Cybersecurity researchers, sporting bemused grins, reported the internet’s newest viral sensation: a worm-like spam attack that would leave even the most organized…

  • Amazon Discovers Hackers’ Passion for Limited Edition Security Flaws

    November 13, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a delightful twist of digital fate, Amazon’s threat intelligence team unearthed an advanced threat actor sporting a penchant for collecting rare zero-day vulnerabilities in Cisco ISE and Citrix NetScaler ADC products. Apparently, when hackers aren’t busy trying to topple the internet, they’re pursuing…

  • Google Courageously Battles Shadowy Hackers for Role of Internet’s Supreme Overlord

    November 13, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a bold move worthy of a superhero franchise, Google has decided to take on the biggest threat to its digital kingdom since Bing: a nefarious band of China-based hackers running a rogue Phishing-as-a-Service enterprise. This jaw-dropping legal drama is set to unfold in…

  • Active Directory: The New Piñata for Cybercriminals

    November 12, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a world where data breaches have become as common as cat videos, Active Directory (AD) has emerged as the ultimate party favor for cybercriminals. It’s the authentication backbone for over 90% of Fortune 1000 companies, which of course makes it irresistible to digital…

  • WhatsApp Joins Financial Sector by Inviting Malware to Brazilian Banks

    November 11, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In an unexpected career pivot, WhatsApp has decided to diversify into financial services by inadvertently hosting a charming new malware phenomenon called ‘Maverick.’ Forget about peer-to-peer payments; this innovative strategy involves playing the role of both matchmaker and middleman between unsuspecting users and the…

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