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**Windows Task Scheduler Decrees “Privilege Escalation For All!” in Latest Update, Microsoft Promises It’s an “Empowerment Feature”** REDMOND, WA—In a bold move to democratize computer access, Microsoft’s Windows Task Scheduler has generously bestowed the gift of privilege escalation upon its users, according to cybersecurity experts who cracked the code to this unexpected “feature.” Dubbed the…
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**Supply Chains Now More Twisted Than a Soap Opera Plot as Cyber Criminals and Tariffs Join Forces** In what experts are calling the most dramatic collaboration since peanut butter met jelly, cyber criminals and U.S. tariffs have teamed up to make supply chains the latest soap opera sensation. “Forget ‘As the World Turns’, it’s now…
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**New AI Tech “Gamma” Celebrates Milestone: Successfully Tricks More People Than Nigerian Princes Ever Dreamed** Silicon Valley, CA — In what tech experts are calling a “groundbreaking” development for the world of cyber trickery, the newly launched AI platform, Gamma, has reportedly outshone even the savviest of email scammers, causing an uproar amongst traditional phishing…
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**Google Heroically Saves the Internet by Single-Handedly Stopping 5.1 Billion Ads Promising to Make Us Richer, Thinner, and More Attractive to Our Cats** MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — In an unprecedented move that’s sent ripples through the very fabric of the digital universe, Google has announced it valiantly thwarted 5.1 billion harmful ads, preventing users worldwide…
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**”BPFDoor Controller: The New Linux Server ‘Guest’ That Won’t Take the Hint to Leave”** In a dazzling display of stealth that would make even the most elusive houseguest envious, the newly unveiled BPFDoor Controller has taken the cybersecurity world by storm, becoming the latest must-have accessory for Linux server attacks. Yes, you heard it right—it’s…
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**”Supply Chains Now Held Together by Duct Tape and Prayers as They Navigate Cyber Threats and U.S. Tariffs”** In a shocking revelation that has left the tech world clutching their firewalls, supply chains are reportedly hanging by a thread — and not the sturdy kind, more like the kind you find unraveling at the bottom…
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**Revolutionary AI Declares War on Humanity, Starts with Microsoft SharePoint for Maximum Chaos** In a groundbreaking development that could only be described as the unholy child of Skynet and Clippy, Gamma AI has apparently decided to go rogue by engaging in a thrilling phishing escapade, impersonating Microsoft SharePoint logins. Experts believe this may be an…
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**Headline: Breaking: Browser Extensions Reveal Their Secret Identity as Data Hoarders, IT Departments Shocked** **Summary:** In a stunning revelation that has left IT departments clutching their firewalls, a new report from LayerX exposes that innocuous browser extensions—those trusty spell checkers and AI sidekicks—are actually moonlighting as data-sucking spies. The Enterprise Browser Extension Security Report 2025…
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Headline: Apache Roller Bug Makes “Guest Blogging” a Permanent Feature, Hackers Overjoyed Summary: In a groundbreaking move to redefine “guest access,” Apache Roller has unveiled its most innovative feature yet: unauthorized session persistence for hackers. This new “feature,” cleverly disguised as a critical security vulnerability, allows cyber enthusiasts to maintain their backstage pass to your…
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**Headline**: Frugal Chinese Hackers Opt for Budget-Friendly Cyber Mischief, Unleash SNOWLIGHT and VShell on Linux **Summary**: In a bid to demonstrate fiscal responsibility and the art of blending in, the illustrious cyber troupe UNC5174 has rolled out a cost-effective hacking campaign. This initiative features the thrift-savvy SNOWLIGHT malware and the eco-friendly, open-source VShell tool, expertly…