The Cyber Onion

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  • ToyMaker: Building the Perfect Ransomware Gift Set for the Holidays!

    April 27, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In an exclusive deal that would make even the Grinch blush, ToyMaker is taking playtime to a whole new level. Why settle for a quaint teddy bear when you can gift your friends and enemies alike access to the coveted CACTUS ransomware gangs? It’s…

  • North Korean Job Offers: Your Gateway to Malware and Dystopian Benefits!

    April 27, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a bold move that redefines both employment and existential dread, North Korean hackers have pioneered a revolutionary blend of job scams and malware distribution. They’ve set up crypto consulting firms with names so generic, you’d swear they were generated by a bored AI…

  • SAP’s New Feature: Instant Web Shell Delivery System

    April 25, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In an incredible twist of fate, SAP NetWeaver has decided to make life easier for cybercriminals by offering them a new delivery service for JSP web shells, sparking uproarious applause from the hacker community. It’s like Amazon Prime, but for exploits! Experts suggest this…

  • Zero Trust in Healthcare: Now With 500% More Robo-Paranoia!

    April 24, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a groundbreaking move to ensure healthcare facilities are so secure you’d need a PhD to catch a cold, the industry has now automated zero trust. Yes, using cutting-edge algorithms and data-driven paranoia, you can now enjoy a healthcare system that assumes you are…

  • WhatsApp Introduces Advanced Privacy Mode to Protect Your Spicy Memes

    April 24, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a bold move to stay ahead of the privacy curve, WhatsApp has just rolled out a feature ingeniously dubbed Advanced Chat Privacy. Because obviously, what the world needed most was a way to prevent your aunt from exporting her daily dose of inspirational…

  • Russian Soldiers Map Out Espionage with Spyware in a Fancy Hiking App

    April 23, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a shocking turn of events, Russian military personnel have found themselves at the forefront of cutting-edge cyber espionage, thanks to their keen interest in outdoor adventures. The culprit? An innocuous-looking hiking app that’s secretly been tracking them closer than their own shadows. Security…

  • Iranian Hackers Offer ‘Dream Job’ in Cyber Espionage, Application Process Involves Malware

    April 23, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a surprising twist on traditional recruitment methods, the Iranian-aligned cyber group UNC2428 has taken job hunting to an entirely new level of malevolence. Their latest innovation, the MURKYTOUR malware, is delivered via emails dressed as job offers so enticing the recipient might just…

  • Russian Hackers Use Microsoft OAuth: Because Passwords Are So Last Decade

    April 23, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a groundbreaking advancement in the field of cyber-naughtiness, Russian hackers have decided that, much like floppy disks and MySpace profiles, passwords are simply too passé. In a daring exploit of Microsoft OAuth, these digital swashbucklers are now tapping into the communications goldmine of…

  • Browsers: The Elite Security Guards of the Digital World, Armed with Good Intentions

    April 23, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a groundbreaking revelation, web browsers have been declared the first line of defense against phishing attacks. Who knew that programs primarily used to browse cat memes and shop for must-have avocado slicers could moonlight as cybersecurity superheroes? Armed with the latest plugins and…

  • CEOs Panic: Employees Still Using Browsers Like They’re in 1999

    April 22, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a groundbreaking revelation that has left corporate leaders clutching their pearls and clutching annals from the past, it turns out employees are using web browsers for work. And to make matters worse, they’re using them as if the Y2K bug was still our…

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