The Cyber Onion

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  • Google Finally Realizes Stalking Texans Is Poor Form, Writes $1.375 Billion Apology Note

    May 10, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a move that has surprised no one but amused everyone, Google has decided to shell out $1.375 billion to the state of Texas for the minor faux pas of unauthorized tracking and data collection. Apparently, Google’s idea of getting to know Texans better…

  • Hackers Target Brazil’s Execs with Invoice Spam and Free RMM Trials: Because Why Pay?

    May 10, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In the latest episode of ‘Cybercriminals Watch Too Much Netflix,’ Brazilian executives are the stars of a new phishing campaign featuring the thrilling premise of free software trials. Yes, because who doesn’t want to be on the edge of their seat wondering if their…

  • Vulnerability Management: Running on a Treadmill to Nowhere Fast

    May 9, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In the swanky world of cybersecurity, it’s not the hackers that pose the greatest threat, but the dreaded treadmill of vulnerability management. Picture this: a room full of overworked security professionals frantically treading air, glancing nervously at the mountain of patch notes looming over…

  • AI Security: As Easy as Herding Cyber Cats on a Virtual Keyboard

    May 9, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. Introducing AI agents into your business is akin to inviting a gang of invisible toddlers armed with sharpie markers into your immaculately white living room. They can automate tasks and create better user experiences, sure, but they also bring a whiff of chaos that…

  • Scammers Use FreeDrain’s ‘SEO Sorcery’ to Summon Your Crypto Fortunes

    May 8, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a move that has left even the most seasoned cybercriminals envious, FreeDrain has harnessed the arcane art of SEO manipulation to pilfer crypto treasures from the unassuming digital hoards of wallet holders worldwide. Who knew the Black Hat world had its very own…

  • SonicWall Finally Patches Holes Big Enough to Drive a Malware Truck Through

    May 8, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. Congratulations to SonicWall for bravely facing the cybersecurity equivalent of Swiss cheese with their SMA 100 devices. Three new vulnerabilities needed patching, and SonicWall valiantly rose to the occasion like a fireman who just discovered a new arson hobby. These flaws allowed attackers to…

  • Breaking: 43 Cyber Tools Engage in Epic Battle of Unproductivity

    May 8, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a stunning revelation that has left the cybersecurity world both baffled and mildly amused, a whopping 61% of security leaders admitted that their digital fortresses were breached not because they lacked tools but because they couldn’t decide which of their 43 cybersecurity gadgets…

  • Russian Hackers Deploy ‘Finders Keepers’ Malware via World’s Most Annoying CAPTCHAs

    May 8, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In the latest episode of ‘We Swear We’re Totally Not Hacking You,’ Russian hackers have been spotted using ClickFix, a fake CAPTCHA that’s somehow even more irritating than the real thing, to spread their new espionage malware, affectionately dubbed LOSTKEYS. Because why settle for…

  • OttoKit Plugin: Making Hackers’ Dreams Come True, One Bug at a Time

    May 7, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In an inspiring series of events, the OttoKit WordPress plugin has once again been hailed for its open-door policy, welcoming all forms of cyber hooligans with no discrimination. A new exploit charmingly dubbed ‘The Key to Pandora’s Box’, known formally as CVE-2025-27007, has been…

  • Cybercriminals Reunite with Vintage Tech: IoT Flaws Are the New Retro Trend

    May 7, 2025
    Uncategorized

    🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. In a nostalgic twist of fate, hackers have taken a shine to outdated technology, turning neglected GeoVision IoT devices into prized recruits for their botnet armies. It’s like trading in your Ferrari for a Model T, except in this case, the Model T also…

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