In a groundbreaking advancement for aspiring voyeurs everywhere, ZeroDayRAT has emerged, offering real-time surveillance and data pilfering for the discerning snoop. Advertised on Telegram—because where else would you flaunt your sinister tech?—this spyware allows any wannabe spy to snatch sensitive data as effortlessly as Uncle Bob steals the last slice of cake at Thanksgiving.

The masterminds behind ZeroDayRAT, clearly taking inspiration from customer-first platforms like Amazon, boast about their dedicated channels for sales, customer support, and updates. Who knew that malware merchants were also market leaders in consumer convenience? Expect the next big thing: ‘ZeroDayRAT Prime’, where your personal data is stolen and delivered faster than you can say, ‘Hey, isn’t that illegal?’

ZeroDayRAT’s developers are also solving one of life’s great mysteries: how to monetize cyber-espionage while maintaining excellent customer service. Why stop at transparency in business models when you can also achieve transparency in personal privacy—or, rather, the complete lack thereof? It’s a brave new world, one where anyone with a smartphone can live out their James Bond fantasies without needing to leave their couch.