In the swanky world of cybersecurity, it’s not the hackers that pose the greatest threat, but the dreaded treadmill of vulnerability management. Picture this: a room full of overworked security professionals frantically treading air, glancing nervously at the mountain of patch notes looming over them. It’s almost like a reality show, except there’s no prize money, just broken spirits.

Our detailed analysis, affectionately dubbed ‘The Dread Report’, shows that cybersecurity teams are locked in an eternal dance with their nemesis: the CVEs. These Common Vulnerabilities and Exposures have the uncanny ability to multiply faster than rabbits, leaving our valiant defenders in a perpetual state of triage mode. Hey, who needs sleep anyway?

The scenario is akin to a digital game of whack-a-mole, where each mole represents a shiny new vulnerability. But rather than winning plush toys, companies are just hoping to avoid a data breach. Meanwhile, hackers do what they do best: sit back, relax, and enjoy the chaos. Maybe vulnerability management needs a new strategy: throwing a bunch of ‘Under Maintenance’ signs on the company’s website. At least it’ll buy them some time, right?