In a dramatic turn of events, the U.S. Treasury has unveiled North Korea’s latest endeavor to fund their ever-fashionable weapons of mass destruction program: a gloriously subtle IT worker scheme that’s as discreet as a glitter bomb in a library. Yes, folks, brace yourselves as the DPRK attempts to masquerade as legitimate IT professionals in their poignant quest to convert ‘nerd’ into ‘nuke.’

The scheme boldly involves two individuals and two entities who, like aspiring influencers, are putting in the extra hours to transfer a whopping $600,000 in crypto. Meanwhile, their managers, presumably smugly sipping soy lattes, are boasting over $1 million in profits. That’s right—while some of us still try to remember our Wi-Fi passwords, North Korea is busy scheduling missile deliveries in blockchain calendars.

In a statement, the Treasury described the sanctions as part of their ongoing effort to deter the regime, which, much like an overzealous telemarketer, continues to target American interests with untamed audacity. So as the world watches this cryptographic catwalk unfold, we’re left to ponder: will North Korea ever upgrade from their current version of “1984” simplicity to something a bit more, say, James Bond?