In a shocking twist of events, four young masterminds, barely out of their teens and yet already revolutionizing the art of retail disruptions, have been arrested for allegedly launching a £440 million cyber assault on Britain’s treasure troves—Marks & Spencer, Co-op, and the ever-glamorous Harrods. Who knew that the ultimate rebellion against retail giants would be conducted not by throwing bricks through windows, but by keystrokes from a darkened room lit only by the soft glow of illegal activity?

These up-and-coming digital delinquents, ranging from 17 to the ripe old age of 20, apparently navigated their way through the UK’s National Crime Agency radar with all the subtlety of a neon-clad elephant in a porcelain store. One can only imagine the shock on their faces as they traded their hoodies for handcuffs. The West Midlands and London, it seems, have become the unexpected havens for aspiring cyber-whizzes—who knew the next Silicon Valley was in reach of a double-decker bus!

Authorities suspect these enterprising souls didn’t just aim to misuse computers but strove for loftier targets like blackmail. Because when you can bring the hallowed halls of Harrods to a standstill, why stop at sneaking into the storage room for a luxury handbag? This crew clearly didn’t just want to join the consumer culture—they wanted to rewrite the rules of it, one server at a time.