In a shocking twist of fate, Sophos and SonicWall have broken the hearts of hackers worldwide by patching critical security flaws in their firewalls and SMA 100 devices. It’s as if these companies actually care about protecting their users. The audacity!

The vulnerabilities, which were apparently just misunderstood features, offered remote code execution (RCE) opportunities. Now, thanks to the patches, cyber villains everywhere will have to, gasp, work for their successes again. The horror!

While Sophos and SonicWall are patting each other on the back for this egregious display of user safety, hackers everywhere are left pondering a life of honest work. Rumor has it that a support group is forming to cope with this tragedy, where members can lament the cruel world of responsible cybersecurity.