In a twist nobody saw coming, high-brow, state-sponsored hackers decided to ignore international espionage and nuclear secrets to settle their sights on the far more tantalizing prize: firewall configuration files. SonicWall, a company presumably known for walling things off sonically, disclosed this alarming pivot in global cyber-adventurism.

The hackers, who reportedly operate in shadowy basements of government buildings, apparently skipped the traditional spy movie rendezvous in favor of a more modern approach: API calls. It’s unclear whether this was a strategic decision or just because they couldn’t find their favorite vinyl in the record store.

SonicWall reassured customers by revealing the breach was limited to a ‘specific cloud environment.’ When pressed for more details, spokespersons noted this was hacker lingo for, ‘Oops, wrong server!’