In a groundbreaking move towards innovation disguised as espionage, Chinese firms linked to the infamous Silk Typhoon have filed over a dozen patents, proving once and for all that you can indeed patent a national security nightmare. The patented tools, ranging from encrypted data collection to remote access wizardry, have experts wondering if the next patent will be for a cloaking device.

The tech industry has been reportedly impressed with Silk Typhoon’s disruptive approach to redefining cyber threats as a legitimate business strategy. ‘It’s not hacking,’ commented one industry insider, ‘it’s just aggressive market research.’

In response, cybersecurity experts have started filing their own patents for ‘digital aspirin,’ expected to alleviate the headaches caused by this flurry of ‘innovation.’ Analysts have observed that while patents usually protect ideas, in this case, they seem to be protecting the attackers’ right to remain creatively destructive.