In a shocking revelation, elite university researchers have discovered that CPUs from big names like Intel and AMD have been playing a game of ‘hide and seek’ with your data. Apparently, the processors are so good at keeping secrets that they couldn’t even keep them from nosy academics. Oh, the irony!

Dubbed TEE.Fail, this new attack method essentially gives hackers a VIP pass directly to the heart of Intel’s SGX and AMD’s SEV. It’s like the Velvet Rope club, but for data-stealing parties only. Remember kids, TEE was supposed to stand for Trusted Execution Environment, not Totally Exposed Everything.

Despite millions spent on developing ‘impenetrable’ technology, it turns out that all it takes is a bunch of grad students and some funding to turn your state-of-the-art secure enclave into a leaky boat. Looks like tech companies might now need to hit the drawing board and replace their current slogan: ‘Unbreakable Security’ with ‘Our CPUs: Peek-a-Boo Champions of 2023.’