In a thrilling display of bureaucratic romance, the Pentagon has officially declared an AI company, Anthropic, a ‘supply chain risk.’ Apparently, the love letters exchanged during negotiations just weren’t convincing enough, especially once they proposed using AI for what they called ‘full-time domestic snooping’ and ‘unmanned apocalypse machines.’

Anthropic, for its part, seemed unfazed by the designation. In an ironic twist, they announced plans to teach their AI model, Claude, how to feel rejection and harness it for ‘creative computational solutions.’ The company CEO remarked, ‘Claude’s new existential crisis module is set to revolutionize passive-aggressive algorithmic interactions.’

Meanwhile, the Defense Secretary, who recently announced his plans to pen a self-help book titled ‘How to Lose Friends and Designate Enemies,’ remains firm in his stance. ‘We’re not just dealing with code; we’re tackling codependency, and God knows we’ve already got issues,’ he said, before walking into a locked door as Claude played a sarcastic MP3 track of applause in the background.