Forget burglary; this week’s cyber villains are settling in like they own the place. Nation-state hackers aren’t just sneaking into your system anymore—they’re setting up camp, taking selfies with your data, and offering virtual tours of your highly confidential files. ‘Look, it’s an open-concept espionage,’ said one hacker ironically, while creating a ransomware family photo album.

If it weren’t terrifying, it’d be downright adorable. AI is helping them blend in like tourists on a mission to spread misinformation, while malware coolly lounges inside your go-to software, sipping a piña colada and asking for the Wi-Fi password. ‘Oh, we’re not breaking in,’ they claim, ‘we’re Airbnb-ing.’ Who knew malicious code could come with a mint on the pillow?

Old threats are also doing an encore, rebranded like retro fashion. ‘Vintage is back,’ said one nostalgic hacker, relaunching a virus from 1999. Yes, the real danger is the breach, but even scarier is not knowing if that pop-up ad is actually some hacker playing peek-a-boo. Remember, they’re not just watching—they’re probably live-tweeting your oblivion.