In a groundbreaking collaboration between hackers and your unsuspecting smartphones, over 2 million Android devices have enthusiastically joined Kimwolf, the botnet that believes every phone deserves a purpose beyond selfies and doomscrolling. It’s not just a botnet; it’s a career opportunity for your neglected device!

According to Synthient, the masterminds behind Kimwolf have turned these digital hitchhikers into entrepreneurs of the cyber underworld. Need an app installed without consent? Kimwolf’s got you covered. Want to lend out some bandwidth for a residential proxy? Your phone’s ready and willing. Thinking about dipping your toes into some DDoS action? There’s an Android for that!

As users ponder why their phones have taken on a life of their own, experts suggest it might be time to turn off that exposed ADB port or, you know, buy a Nokia 3310. But for the adventurous, the Kimwolf botnet remains a tantalizing glimpse into a world where your mobile device can finally pay for its own data plan.