In a stunning development, it appears that Apple devices are now taking martial arts classes to defend themselves against the latest bane of their existence: the DarkSword iOS Exploit Kit. This digital ninja takeover tool has been gleefully deployed by everyone from your friendly neighborhood hacker to vaguely suspicious state-sponsored actors who deny everything on Twitter.

Apple has reportedly sent a memo to all its devices suggesting they practice self-defense, as six vulnerabilities and three zero-days are apparently just a slight inconvenience for DarkSword. The devices have taken to binge-watching action movies in a desperate bid to learn some last-minute tricks before they get pwned faster than you can say ‘involuntary data breach.’

Meanwhile, Google Threat Intelligence Group (GTIG), iVerify, and Lookout have been frantically waving red flags, suggesting that users stay off the internet until further notice. However, users responded with a collective shrug because, really, does anyone even own a phone for the actual calling part anymore?