In a stunning revelation that shocked absolutely no one, researchers at ETH Zürich have unveiled yet another Intel CPU flaw. This time, it’s the ‘Branch Privilege Injection’ (BPI), a fancy name that basically means your computer’s brain has more holes than Swiss cheese at a fondue party.

Intel CPUs have been pulling off their best David Copperfield impression for over seven years, making your precious data disappear into the hands of cybercriminals faster than you can say ‘Spectre.’ It’s as though these chips have an intrinsic talent for turning your sensitive data into public domain content, all without lifting a transistor.

The revelation has left tech enthusiasts in awe of Intel’s consistent ability to redefine the terms ‘exposed’ and ‘vulnerable.’ It’s comforting to know that in this rapidly changing world, there’s one thing we can always rely on: the timeless art of CPU-induced panic.