Move over, cyber cat burglars; there’s a new band of digital miscreants in town, and they’re here to steal your REM cycles—through your fingers! In a revolutionary stroke of idiocy, a group of criminally-inclined tech wizards have decided to hack into the health-conscious world of Oura Rings. Because why just watch Netflix and chill when you can hijack someone’s heart rate variability?

These dastardly brainiacs cloned a legitimate Oura MCP server, and now your smart ring, designed to optimize your sleep and maybe even tell you when you’ll finally get a decent night’s rest, is helping spread the joy of StealC infostealers. Sleep tracking and identity theft in one convenient package; it’s the next-level upgrade none of us asked for or needed!

The cybersecurity community is understandably shocked. One expert, while suppressing laughter, remarked that it’s as if hackers have finally embraced their true calling: not just inconveniencing their victims, but also making sure they’re sleep-deprived enough to enjoy it. Remember, when data privacy and sleep patterns collide, chaos reigns and dream patterns are the spoils of war.