In a heartwarming tale of perseverance and job security, Russian hackers affiliated with the GRU were astounded to discover their cyber campaign, cleverly concealed from the public eye for years, was suddenly revealed by none other than Amazon Threat Intelligence. Like an overzealous delivery, Amazon generously unwrapped the intimate details of the hackers’ escapades, sending them into a whirlwind of confusion and gratitude for still being employed.

The hackers, who had diligently targeted Western energy sectors and critical infrastructures, expressed their utmost surprise upon realizing their operations had managed to evade exposure for such an extended period. ‘We always knew our work would light up the world,’ quipped an unnamed hacker, ‘but we didn’t think it would make the Amazon bestseller list.’

Meanwhile, Amazon has made waves with its novel approach to customer service: not only delivering packages swiftly but also promptly packaging and delivering intelligence on international cyber threats. As the world observed, the grand reveal left many scratching their heads and wondering if Amazon would next start offering same-day delivery on cybersecurity breaches. After all, they’re already experts at crashing clouds.