In a ground-breaking achievement in the field of cybersecurity, Google announced its decision to patch 120 flaws in its Android operating system, bringing the total number of unfixed issues down to a stunningly unimpressive figure. Users around the world can now sleep slightly more soundly, knowing that their devices are now only 95% vulnerable to cyber threats.

Among these patches are fixes for two zero-day vulnerabilities that were apparently more popular than Google Play’s top apps among hackers. Rumor has it that the vulnerabilities had started signing autographs and were planning a world tour, until Google showed up with a cease and desist letter in the form of a security update.

Google assures users that these updates are part of a monthly effort to combat the ever-growing list of security concerns. Experts note, with a touch of sarcasm, that this effort seems akin to using a Band-Aid to fix a cracked dam. At this rate, by the year 2050, Google aspires to reduce the remaining vulnerabilities to a neat 90%.