In a shocking twist no one saw coming, especially not the French governmental IT department, Chinese hackers have decided to turn casual online browsing into a full-contact sport. Taking advantage of zero-day vulnerabilities in Ivanti Cloud Services Appliance devices, they managed to play the world’s least enjoyable game of hide and seek with sensitive French data.

For those not yet in the cybersecurity know, ‘zero-day’ is not, in fact, the aroma of a freshly opened croissant but rather an internet equivalent of leaving your front door wide open while announcing, “I sure hope no one snoops around in here!” This cunning strategy was apparently all the invitation the hackers needed.

Government officials, who are reportedly still trying to reboot their outdated understanding of online security, have promised to ‘seriously consider’ stronger measures, such as maybe changing a few passwords from ‘password123’ to something suitably French, like ‘baguette456.’