In a bold move to improve their SEO rankings, the U.S. Department of Justice has decided to expand its web development portfolio by seizing domains linked to cybercrime. Who knew breaking the law could come with a free marketing consultation?

Employing an innovative strategy that involves domain confiscation, the DoJ envisions a future where cybercriminals will have no choice but to switch to a life of hand-coding their phishing sites. Goodbye, dark web! Hello, Squarespace tutorials!

But don’t worry, these seized domains won’t go to waste. Rumor has it they’re being repurposed into educational sites teaching aspiring hackers better career paths, like ethical hacking or maybe even pottery. Because if you can’t beat them, teach them to craft artisanal vases instead.