In an unprecedented move that has shocked exactly no one, the FBI has just issued an alert admitting that criminals have discovered what tech support already knew: Salesforce is the digital treasure chest waiting to be plundered. They encourage businesses to stop taping passwords under keyboards and running ‘1234’ as their security code.

According to the FBI, cybercriminal groups UNC6040 and UNC6395 have decided that stealing your data is more thrilling than rewatching Ocean’s Eleven. Their method of choice? Cracking Salesforce wide open like an overripe cybersecurity piñata, if your piñata is a cloud-based customer relationship management tool and the candy inside is your personal information.

The prophetic FBI warning might as well have come with a ‘Merry Hackmas’ card as they kindly provided ‘indicators of compromise’ which, to the layperson, means: ‘Good luck identifying these bad guys before they take your data and run!’ Experts recommend businesses switch to high-tech security solutions, like throwing their computers into a river.