In a bold move that no one saw coming, including their own HR department, the illustrious DoNot APT group has expanded its operations to target European foreign ministries. Sources say the group, known for its groundbreaking work in remote malware installation and unsolicited data gathering, has launched its latest innovation, LoptikMod malware. This digital tool is said to be so effective it even collects data before it realizes it’s sensitive.

According to the Trellix Advanced Research Center, this latest assault marks DoNot’s most ambitious endeavor yet, mainly because it involves geography. Previously focusing on local disruptions, the group now courageously aims to disrupt happy hours across Europe by making diplomatic conversations less diplomatic. ‘This is a new era for us,’ mentioned a fictional spokesperson for DoNot, ‘we’re not just annoying anymore; we’re global annoyances now!’

Dubbed various aliases like APT-C-35, Mint Tempest, and Origami Elephant, it seems DoNot is also running a side business in brand confusion. With a name for every occasion, they’ve made it clear that masquerading is as crucial as malware for any self-respecting APT group. Rumor has it that naming consultants are in high demand, provided they can pay in cryptocurrency. Stay tuned as the globe holds its breath for what might be their next portfolio expansion: ransomware for amateur magicians or maybe phishing campaigns targeting goldfish enthusiasts.