In a daring operation reminiscent of a Mission: Impossible sequel, the U.S. Department of Justice has bravely dismantled an army of 3 million rebellious IoT devices. These nefarious kitchen soldiers were allegedly cooking up a storm, causing record-breaking disruptions in global web traffic. Rumor has it they dreamed of overthrowing WiFi-enabled egg cookers next.

The DoJ’s slick move not only neutralized the threat of sentient smart fridges but also temporarily put a stop to the ominous beeping of IoT tea kettles conspiring in kitchens across North America. Insiders report that the DoJ and its international allies feel rather accomplished, having vanquished the digital equivalent of a rebellious Roomba army.

As law enforcement celebrates, society ponders the possible retaliation from disgruntled devices. DoJ officials, undeterred by potential toaster rebellion, have cheekily hinted at next tackling the world’s smart thermostats—just as soon as they resolve their own office’s air conditioning issues.