In a shocking twist of fate that could only be orchestrated by the gods of irony, researchers have unlocked the secret to turning your DDR4 memory into a master cryptographic safecracker. Intel’s prized Software Guard eXtensions (SGX), often portrayed as the Arnold Schwarzenegger of digital security, decided to take a nap while DDR4 played host to a new WireTap attack.

Apparently, the DDR4 memory-bus interposer has secured itself a guest appearance in the world’s most exclusive backdoor gala, effortlessly bypassing SGX’s supposed fortress-like security. Security aficionados from Georgia Tech and Purdue waved their academic wands to orchestrate this digital coup de grâce, proving once again that if you give an engineer a challenge, they will find a way—or build a bridge—to an unexpected solution.

Intel, clearly miffed by this party-crashing development, was last seen mumbling to its server processors, reminding them of their sacred duty to protect enclave secrets. ‘What happens in SGX stays in SGX,’ they muttered, wishing they had invested in a better bouncer for their digital gates. As the cybersecurity world chuckles over this DDR4 sideshow, one thing is clear: the only truly secure digital fortress is the one that hasn’t been built yet.