In a savage game of cyber-pointing, the Czech Republic has declared a triumphant victory in the classic ‘Whodunnit’ of digital espionage. With all the forensic prowess of a detective in an Agatha Christie novel, they have dramatically unmasked China-linked APT31 as the invisible hand behind last year’s mischief on unclassified networks. No need for Miss Marple, really.

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs found themselves at the center of this cyber-thriller, revealing a plot that could excite even the most jaded IT professional. ‘We identified China after an arduous journey through lines of code,’ the government proclaimed, leaving the world wondering if they had just solved the mystery of the cyber-Sphinx.

While the breach’s full extent remains a tantalizing secret, officials maintain their unwavering resolve to stand against all who dare sully their unclassified secrets. Future cyber villains beware: the Czechs have sharpened their digital magnifying glass, and there’s no telling what surprises lie in their cyber arsenal next.