We’re delighted to present this week’s update from the land of one million cyber threats, where your Wi-Fi-enabled smart fridge could just as easily turn into a CIA listening device. If you’re not paranoid yet, you’re clearly not paying attention.

In a plot twist that would make any overworked security analyst weep, hackers have once again discovered that we haven’t really changed our passwords since the Jurassic era. It’s like they’re not even trying anymore, and somehow, neither are we.

Meanwhile, over in the R&D department, researchers have harnessed the power of quantum computing to conclusively prove that phishing emails still work when they’re riddled with typos. Because nothing says ‘I’m an important Nigerian prince’ quite like ‘Plaese click teh link.’