Forget bank robbers with ski masks and getaway cars; the new heist maestros are Android Trojans who prefer comfy living rooms and Wi-Fi. Meet Crocodilus, the cybercriminal MVP now touring eight countries with a performance that targets banks and crypto wallets, one unsuspecting user at a time.

The malware isn’t just spoofing your bank; it’s out here adopting ‘improved obfuscation techniques’ as if it’s vying for an Oscar. Forget about catching this croc red-handed; it’s learned a thing or two about leaving no paw prints.

And if you think your contacts list is an exclusive party, Crocodilus says, ‘Hold my data breach!’ The malware not only enjoys your personal data but has also taken to creating new contacts like a bad Tinder date who won’t take no for an answer.

As it expands its world tour across Europe and South America, experts warn that it could soon reach your smartphone like the world’s worst push notification. So remember: in 2023, the real gators aren’t in your backyard swamp but in your pocket, and they’re hungry for more than just fish.