In a daring move to disrupt the cybersecurity industry, Cisco has launched what they’re calling ‘Firewall Roulette,’ a thrilling game where every spin exposes a new zero-day vulnerability! That’s right, folks: Forget about the old, mundane process of secure software. Instead, embrace the exhilarating gamble of not knowing when your firewall might just throw in the towel and invite hackers for a virtual tea party.

The newest attractions in this amusement park of exploits are the duo known colloquially as ‘The Wild Wild Woes.’ Security experts warn that these vulnerabilities, with a distinguished CVSS score of 9.9, bring with them the fun of watching your network’s security posture do the limbo—how low can it go? The answer: just low enough for unwanted guests to slip right in!

CISA, ever the buzzkill, has issued an ‘Emergency Mitigation Directive’ to curtail this newfound recreational activity. Clearly, they missed the memo that keeping hackers at bay is sooo 2020s. Meanwhile, Cisco’s customer service is swarmed with calls, not for support, but from people hoping to book slots on this rollercoaster ride of insecurity. Remember, if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space!