In a radical move to foster a safer, high-tech environment within federal networks, CISA has declared an all-out war on electronic antiques. Yes, those cherished dust magnets, cherished not just for their obsolescence but for their ability to double as paperweights, now face imminent extinction. As it turns out, nostalgia is the greatest security risk of all.

CISA’s decree gives Federal Civilian Executive Branch agencies up to 18 months to unceremoniously kick these outdated devices out of the digital nest. Apparently, these gadgets are the cyber equivalent of bringing a butter knife to a drone fight, posing more risk than a toddler with a credit card.

The agency’s new edict comes as a shocking blow to the vintage tech community, who are now scrambling to find ways to immortalize these treasures. Ideas being bandied about include a ‘Museum of Endangered Devices’ where visitors can marvel at what once passed for cutting-edge technology—spoiler: it involves a lot of blinking lights and beige plastic.