In what some are calling an unfortunate misunderstanding and others are calling the least believable excuse since “the dog ate my homework,” 33-year-old Chinese national Xu Zewei was apprehended in Milan, the city known for its fashion, finance, and apparently, hacking expeditions. Xu, presumably miffed that the global cybersecurity community has no appreciation for his creative endeavors, allegedly has a rap sheet longer than a CVS receipt.

Xu is accused of fraternizing with Silk Typhoon, which is not, as one might wishfully think, a luxurious new blend of silk sheets, but rather a fearsome Chinese hacking group. It’s still unclear if their terrifying moniker was chosen in an attempt to compete with the menacingly named APT-XYZ or merely to throw off authorities by sounding like a hipster craft beer.

According to charges, Xu didn’t just stop at hacking American organizations and government agencies; he decided to go big or go home with nine counts of wire fraud and a conspiracy charge. When asked about his alleged dealings, Xu remarked, ‘I was simply exploring alternative careers in data retrieval.’ Meanwhile, cybersecurity experts are scrambling to redefine firewalls as not just technological barriers, but also as tangible stop signs for hackers with culinary alibis.