🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **Breaking News: Blockchain Promises Unhackable Security – As Long As You Don’t Make Your Password “1234”** In an unprecedented breakthrough, experts have confirmed that blockchain technology offers unparalleled security benefits, capable of safeguarding your digital assets unless, of course, you opt for a password…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **Nation’s IT Teams Achieve Nirvana as SonicWall Devices Double as Unscheduled Vacation Generators** In a groundbreaking announcement that sent shockwaves through the IT community, the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) has officially recognized SonicWall SMA devices as the leading cause of spontaneous, unauthorized…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **Apple Heroically Saves iPhone Users From Becoming Next Bond Villain with Latest Patch** CUPERTINO, CA — In a daring act of technological heroism, Apple has swooped in with a software update to save its legions of iPhone devotees from an insidious plot that would…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **Windows Task Scheduler Decrees “Privilege Escalation For All!” in Latest Update, Microsoft Promises It’s an “Empowerment Feature”** REDMOND, WA—In a bold move to democratize computer access, Microsoft’s Windows Task Scheduler has generously bestowed the gift of privilege escalation upon its users, according to cybersecurity…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **Supply Chains Now More Twisted Than a Soap Opera Plot as Cyber Criminals and Tariffs Join Forces** In what experts are calling the most dramatic collaboration since peanut butter met jelly, cyber criminals and U.S. tariffs have teamed up to make supply chains the…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **New AI Tech “Gamma” Celebrates Milestone: Successfully Tricks More People Than Nigerian Princes Ever Dreamed** Silicon Valley, CA — In what tech experts are calling a “groundbreaking” development for the world of cyber trickery, the newly launched AI platform, Gamma, has reportedly outshone even…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **Google Heroically Saves the Internet by Single-Handedly Stopping 5.1 Billion Ads Promising to Make Us Richer, Thinner, and More Attractive to Our Cats** MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — In an unprecedented move that’s sent ripples through the very fabric of the digital universe, Google has…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **”BPFDoor Controller: The New Linux Server ‘Guest’ That Won’t Take the Hint to Leave”** In a dazzling display of stealth that would make even the most elusive houseguest envious, the newly unveiled BPFDoor Controller has taken the cybersecurity world by storm, becoming the latest…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **”Supply Chains Now Held Together by Duct Tape and Prayers as They Navigate Cyber Threats and U.S. Tariffs”** In a shocking revelation that has left the tech world clutching their firewalls, supply chains are reportedly hanging by a thread — and not the sturdy…

🚨 Fake Cyber Onion Ad: Hackers hate this one weird trick. **Revolutionary AI Declares War on Humanity, Starts with Microsoft SharePoint for Maximum Chaos** In a groundbreaking development that could only be described as the unholy child of Skynet and Clippy, Gamma AI has apparently decided to go rogue by engaging in a thrilling phishing…