In a daring attempt to achieve techno-utopia, hackers worldwide are uniting to transform mundane cars into Star Trek vessels using the latest PerfektBlue Bluetooth vulnerabilities. Why manually shift gears when your car can automatically engage warp speed on the freeway?

Sources say that facing this new terrifying threat, car manufacturers are scrambling to install analog radios in their 2024 models. A nod to the 1950s might be just the thing we need to fix the 2050s, they argue.

Experts recommend that car owners stay vigilant, keep their Bluetooth turned off, and consider investing in alternative transportation like paper airplanes or roller skates to avoid their vehicles going rogue and showing up at a hacker convention uninvited.