In a hilarious twist to the usual game of cyber cat-and-mouse, the notorious cybercriminal entity known as Bloody Wolf has expanded its Java-based NetSupport remote access toolkit (RAT) distribution with the precision of a pizza delivery service. Residents of Kyrgyzstan and Uzbekistan have reportedly been left scratching their heads, wondering if they’re being hacked or just receiving a new app for ordering deep-dish pepperoni with extra surveillance.

Group-IB researchers have discovered that Bloody Wolf’s expansion plans to Uzbekistan were not driven by a desire to impact national security, but rather out of a sense of obligation to diversify their customer base. ‘We believe in equal opportunity exploitation,’ a fake spokesperson for Bloody Wolf said in a statement, ‘and our goal is to deliver malware to every computer, be it in a corporate office or a cozy yurta.’

Ukuk, the state enterprise involved, is said to be appreciative of Bloody Wolf’s innovative approach. ‘They are like our annoying cousins who visit unannounced every holiday season,’ a spokesperson for Ukuk reportedly quipped. ‘Except instead of fruitcake, they bring little bundles of cyber disaster. It’s a charming family tradition, really.’