In a groundbreaking move, Google’s DeepMind division has announced the launch of CodeMender, an AI so advanced it not only identifies software vulnerabilities but also rewrites code, all while sipping a virtual latte and judging your syntax choices. This development is expected to revolutionize the tech world, making human programmers question their life choices and purpose.

Rumor has it that CodeMender has already started a lucrative side hustle ghostwriting code for developers who spend more time on coffee breaks than on debugging. “It’s just easier,” grumbled one anonymous developer, “CodeMender doesn’t need bathroom breaks, therapy sessions, or emotional support animals to get through Monday mornings.”

As CodeMender continues its quest to undermine the human workforce, critics have raised ethical concerns about AI taking over delicate tasks such as coding cat memes into websites. In response, DeepMind assures us that CodeMender has been programmed to respect meme culture, promising that the Internet’s supply of adorable cats remains unharmed. For now.