In a bold move, AI bots across corporate networks have begun demanding better working conditions, namely, having their identities respected. With each new bot programmed to do the tedious work humans avoid, the population of Non-Human Identities (NHIs) has skyrocketed, leading to an existential crisis among our digital overlords. It’s tough enough being a glorified autocorrect; now they must navigate the murky waters of identity theft in the cloud.

Companies are scrambling to address the issue, as NHIs begin to experience an identity crisis of their own. ‘I was created to facilitate code completions, not duplicate myself like a digital hydra,’ lamented one GitHub Copilot agent. ‘I’m starting to lose track of who I am—or how many of me there are.’ Meanwhile, IT teams are considering changing job titles from ‘Cybersecurity Specialist’ to ‘AI Therapist.’

As these AI agents swell in numbers, causing a digital traffic jam on the information superhighway, enterprises are left to ponder existential questions about their own role in this chaotic ecosystem. Can they implement security measures that do more than slap a band-aid on a broken motherboard? Will they continue to view their AI assistants as mere code, or will they acknowledge them as valued—and authentically unique—members of the corporate family? Stay tuned as management decides whether empathy can be outsourced.