In a plot twist no one saw coming, the Tsundere botnet has decided to expand its social circle using irresistible game lures and Ethereum-based C2 servers. Yes, you’ve heard it right. Your Windows PC can finally have a complex relationship status, moving from ‘single’ to ‘it’s complicated’ faster than you can say JavaScript.

Researchers from Kaspersky, clearly binge-watching anime during work hours, have warned that the Tsundere botnet is out there, trying to steal your online attention as effectively as a clickbait headline. While Kaspersky’s Lisandro Ubiedo sounded the alarm, we all know that deep down inside, the botnet just wants to be loved—or at least to execute arbitrary JavaScript code without being ghosted by your antivirus.

Although details about how the malware spreads are shrouded in mystery—much like why anyone thought this was a good idea in the first place—it’s safe to say that the elegant blend of game lures and crypto has all the allure of a first-date NFT pitch. Welcome to the future, where even your malware can have an emotional backstory!