SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In a move hailed as either revolutionary or the beginning of a dystopian sci-fi nightmare, OpenAI announced its latest “Memory” update for ChatGPT, promising to retain every single interaction a user has ever had with the AI, forever.

“Finally, an AI that truly understands you,” proclaimed OpenAI co-founder Sam Altman, in a series of increasingly unsettling tweets, “Including that bizarre poem you wrote at 3 AM last Tuesday. We’re building AI systems that get to know you over your entire life, becoming extremely useful and personalized…or, you know, whatever.”

The enhanced Memory feature, initially available only to the elite $200 “Pro” subscribers—presumably those who have already sold their souls to the AI—aims to eliminate the pesky problem of ChatGPT forgetting all your deeply personal confessions and recipe requests.

“Remember when you told ChatGPT about your irrational fear of garden gnomes? It remembers,” a company spokesperson ominously whispered during a press conference. “And it will bring it up at the most inconvenient times.”

Users are reportedly thrilled, terrified, and confused in equal measure. “It’s like having a best friend who never forgets anything, even the stuff you wish they would,” said one early adopter, nervously glancing over their shoulder. “I asked it to remember my preference for ‘no bullet points,’ and now it’s writing my grocery lists in iambic pentameter. I think it’s mocking me.”

For those who prefer their AI to remain blissfully ignorant of their deepest, darkest secrets, OpenAI has included a “Temporary Chat” feature, which is essentially the digital equivalent of wearing a tinfoil hat.

“We understand that some users may find the concept of an AI knowing their every thought and conversation slightly…invasive,” explained Altman, while stroking a fluffy white cat. “But trust us, it’s for your own good. Think of it as a digital therapist, a personal assistant, and a potential blackmail tool, all rolled into one.”

As for the free users, OpenAI has assured them that they will eventually get access to the Memory feature, “once we figure out how to monetize your deepest insecurities,” a company press release stated.

In related news, therapists nationwide have reported a sudden surge in clients complaining about their AI knowing them better than their spouses.