In a dazzling display of cybersecurity acrobatics, Qualcomm has patched three zero-day vulnerabilities in its Adreno GPU, just in time for Android enthusiasts to breathe a collective sigh of relief. The company boasted that these fixes were faster than a hacker at a cybersecurity conference trying to blend in with normal people.

The vulnerabilities, affectionately dubbed ‘Oops-We-Didn’t-See-That’ by Qualcomm insiders, were reportedly leaked by a well-meaning Google Android Security team member who only wanted to ensure that Android users could continue furiously swiping through TikToks without fear of being hacked by a renegade toaster.

With a CVSS score of 8.6, equivalent to a moderately spicy curry, Qualcomm’s blunders left some security experts wondering if they should invest in more fire-retardant smartphones. Thankfully, Qualcomm’s swift response has renewed faith in the company’s commitment to providing fast-paced, hair-raising security drama fit for any Friday night.