In a stunning twist that no one saw coming except everyone with Wi-Fi, elite hacking groups have decided to let artificial intelligence do the heavy lifting. Apparently, AI malware, equipped with the street smarts of a quantum hacker, has been sent on a whirlwind cyber-tour of the world’s most vulnerable networks, leaving human attackers free to pursue personal interests like knitting and gourmet cooking.

As zero-click exploits become the new black in cyber fashion, defenders of digital realms find themselves in a Sisyphean loop of clicking refresh on their security dashboards, hoping their systems stop accusing every pixel of conspiring against them. If anything, this has united IT departments everywhere in a shared sense of existential dread.

Meanwhile, browsers, once safe spaces for procrastination, have become treacherous pathways to browser hijacks. Users now face an ethical dilemma: attempt to escape the continual pop-ups hounding them or succumb and finally give their fate over to the persuasive Nigerian prince looking suspiciously like their antivirus software.