In an unprecedented surge more exciting than a stock market bull run, PureRAT malware has decided to switch careers from an obscure cyber threat to the honorary mascot of Russian corporations. Sources say this charming malware has stolen more data and hearts in the first third of 2025 than a Las Vegas magician. Who knew a RAT could be so popular?

Kaspersky, the digital Nostradamus, declared that the PureRAT campaign, which started back in March 2023, has been on a relentless conquest targeting Russian businesses. The attacks have now quadrupled, proving PureRAT’s status as a rising star in the malware industry. If only these organizations’ cybersecurity measures could keep up with the growth of PureRAT’s fanbase!

Poor Russian firms, asleep at the wheel, seem to have missed the memo about locking their digital doors. As PureRAT’s popularity grows, IT departments are reportedly considering giving it a corner office, a dedicated server room, and possibly its own coffee machine. Who needs human productivity when a RAT can deliver so much chaos?