In a shocking twist of fate, Germany’s Federal Criminal Police Office, also known as the BKA, remembered to clear its cookies and decided that eXch’s alleged billion-dollar laundering spree was a bit too dirty for their taste. The move has left crypto enthusiasts worldwide wondering if their get-rich-quick tutorials are now part of an 8TB government backup drive.

The BKA, apparently done with their weekend Netflix binges, swooped in on April 30, 2025, seizing €34 million in cryptocurrency—presumably because they had finally run out of free trials. The seizure, akin to finding a treasure chest full of Monopoly money, aims to remind everyone that laundering is best left to the professionals, like your mom’s trusty old washing machine.

eXch, now involuntarily on a permanent vacation, was allegedly operating a criminal trading platform. In its defense, the exchange said it was merely providing a platform where numbers could frolic freely, away from the prying eyes of financially responsible adults. As the digital dust settles, the question remains: will the good folks of eXch ever learn to delete their browser history?