In a shocking move that has sent waves of despair through the virtual underworld, Cisco has released a patch for a critical flaw rated 9.8 on the CVSS scale. The patch effectively crushes the dreams of remote attackers everywhere, who were just looking for an honest day’s work of unauthorized system access.

The flaw, a veritable open door for hackers, allowed them to bypass authentication and live their best unauthenticated lives with elevated privileges. Now, thanks to Cisco’s diligent security team, these would-be intruders are left with nothing but time and a disheartening sense of legitimacy.

In response, hackers around the globe have reportedly formed support groups, meeting in dimly lit corners of the dark web to swap tales of what might have been. Meanwhile, Cisco users are encouraged to apply the patch immediately, lest they contribute to the cyber-villains’ unemployment statistics.