In a shocking twist, corporate boardrooms worldwide have decided that they’re done playing digital whack-a-mole with cybersecurity threats. Instead, they’re opting to dive headfirst into the AI arms race. After all, why spend time understanding cyber threats when you can just buy a robot that promises to understand them for you? These organizations are convinced that the key to success is not in actual protection, but in the uncanny ability to throw around terms like ‘Unified Exposure Management’ during meetings.

Executives are now scrambling to arm their companies with AI solutions capable of handling the latest digital threats—or at least the ones that sound menacing enough to increase their stock prices. Meanwhile, the speed of attacks, exploitation, and environmental changes has executives reminiscing wistfully about the days when the biggest threat was forgetting to install antivirus software.

Cybersecurity professionals everywhere can rest easy knowing that soon, their jobs will be endangered not by actual cybercriminals, but by the AI tools meant to ‘assist’ them. What’s next? Training AI to replace board members themselves? One day, we might even see the first AI to bungle its way through an earnings call—just like a real CEO!