In a shocking revelation akin to discovering your antivirus software is just a suspiciously named game of Minesweeper, a new report has revealed that most CISOs are fighting AI threats with skills that went extinct along with dial-up internet. These security maestros seem to be playing digital whack-a-mole with tools more suited for defending a Windows 95 paperclip assistant than cutting-edge AI systems.

The AI and Adversarial Testing Benchmark Report 2026 shows that despite AI being woven into the very fabric of our society—like an overzealous craft project gone wrong—our security leaders are stuck using the equivalent of butter knives to combat digital sharks. It’s as if they trust the security of their AI infrastructure to a helpful Labrador rather than a trained guard dog, hoping charm and good intentions win against cybercriminal genius.

One can almost picture the chaos as an underpaid IT intern waves desperately at a server room full of blinking lights, praying for divine intervention or at least a competitor CISO with a worse strategy. Meanwhile, the CISOs, armed with their trusty Commodore 64-era skills, reassure their teams with rousing speeches about how they secured the company’s fax machine just last week. For now, though, the world’s digital defenders seem to be taking a nostalgic trip down memory lane, armed for a digital apocalypse that smells suspiciously like the 90s.