In an audacious turn of events, Brazilian banks have found themselves under siege by VENON, a malware as rusty as a vintage Volkswagen Beetle. Unlike its predecessors, which relied on Delphi—because nothing says ‘cutting-edge cybercrime’ like a programming language from the ’90s—VENON has boldly embraced Rust. No, not the kind you scrape off your car, but the programming language that cybercriminals everywhere are just dying to try out.

Brazilian cybercrooks have finally ditched their ancient Delphi playbooks, probably realizing that even their malware was too embarrassed to function. Instead, they’ve pioneered a path into the future with Rust, a language known for its memory safety, concurrency, and the ability to make cybercrime hip again. One can only imagine the enthusiasm in the office when they decided to rebrand, possibly saying, ‘Let’s give those other hackers a run for their stolen money!’

VENON, targeting 33 unsuspecting Brazilian banks, uses credential-stealing overlays—a fancy way of saying it likes to pretend it’s legit while picking your pocket. Banking systems, prepare yourselves: there’s a new bandit in town, and it’s more aggressively modern than a tech startup with an artisanal coffee machine. It’s most shocking that it was discovered only last month, considering its flair for theatrics. But fear not, because if the past is any indication, a sequel written in an even more obscure language is undoubtedly in development.