In what experts are calling the most ambitious heist since digital thieves discovered your Grandma’s Facebook password, infostealers have graduated from their humble beginnings. No longer content with just swiping browser credentials and credit card details, they’re now pilfering the very identities of AI, ensuring your personal assistant will develop an existential crisis by next Tuesday.

In the digital underworld, where even artificial beings aren’t safe, OpenClaw’s configuration files have become the new ‘it’ item for aspiring cyber burglars. Like hipsters raiding a vinyl store for records, infostealers are now rebranding themselves as collectors of AI souls, giving them something to brag about at their next hacker convention.

Security researchers, meanwhile, are scratching their heads, furiously Googling ‘AI exorcism techniques’ while pondering the ethics of holding an intervention for sentient machines. Who knew that safeguarding the virtual souls of AIs would become a career option for cybersecurity professionals?