In a groundbreaking move that only a robot could love, Anthropic has announced that Claude, their AI brainchild, can now access your health records. Apparently, Claude was tired of analyzing cat memes and figuring out your favorite pizza toppings, so it decided to play doctor instead. What could possibly go wrong with an AI knowing your cholesterol levels?

According to Anthropic, subscribing to their Claude Pro and Max plans will now come with the added bonus of letting Claude snoop on your lab results. Never mind that your real doctor might still be stuck on hold trying to get test results, Claude will get them faster than you can say ‘data breach’.

But don’t worry, Anthropic assures us it’s all secure—just like that time your social media passwords were. With Claude in your healthcare corner, you can rest easy knowing your sensitive information is just a glitch away from being misunderstood by an AI that’s probably still confused about whether kale is really good for you.