In a delightful twist, the cybersecurity world has been shaken by a new vulnerability, affectionately dubbed MongoBleed. Because who doesn’t need more things to worry about? With a CVSS score of 8.7, this bug proudly takes the silver medal in the ‘How Bad Can It Get?’ Olympics of 2025.

Eighty-seven thousand MongoDB instances worldwide have been identified as temporary homes for this unforgiving bug. Unfortunately, MongoDB isn’t included in the average internet user’s vocabulary, so most people will have no idea what to panic about—until their latest cat photo collection suddenly publicizes itself.

Experts advise that the best mitigation strategy involves a combination of prayer, sacrificing a rubber chicken, and, if all else fails, reading a MongoDB for Beginners guide. This unique triad promises not to solve anything but does provide hours of distraction from the impending data apocalypse.